The Preferred Narrative — The version of events we have decided to go with.

The WireWire

◆One story filed — newsroom declares victory, goes home early◆Copy desk requests a second story to compare the first against◆Fact-checking department still disbanded — nothing here is factual◆Style guide amended to allow one (1) em dash per paragraph◆Archive now large enough to justify the shelf◆One story filed — newsroom declares victory, goes home early◆Copy desk requests a second story to compare the first against◆Fact-checking department still disbanded — nothing here is factual◆Style guide amended to allow one (1) em dash per paragraph◆Archive now large enough to justify the shelf

Above the fold

51 dispatches

Lifestyle2 min

Study Finds 15-Hour Drive Superior to 2-Hour Flight in Every Metric Selected After the Fact

Researchers at the Institute for Directional Stubbornness say the findings held even after controlling for the thirteen additional hours.

MILE MARKER 412 — Dean Overpass · September 6, 2026

Lifestyle1 min

Self-Checkout Machine Escalates Unexpected Item Dispute to Full Tribunal

The item was a lime. The machine has requested a written statement.

AISLE 7 — Marla Dunleavy · September 5, 2026

Tech1 min

Group Chat Reaches Restaurant Consensus Nine Days After Reservation Window Closed

Participants describe the process as thorough, exhaustive, and entirely without result.

THE GROUP CHAT — Rex Pemberton · September 4, 2026

Latest dispatches

Filed most recently

Business1 min

Meeting Concludes With Unanimous Agreement to Hold a Meeting

A follow-up has been scheduled to determine what the follow-up is about.

CONFERENCE ROOM B — Ingrid Salter · September 3, 2026

World1 min

Hotel Breakfast Buffet Declares Sovereignty, Establishes Own Customs

Visitors report a border, a currency of small plates, and a total collapse of the state at ten o'clock sharp.

THE MEZZANINE — Cormac Villiers · September 2, 2026

Politics1 min

Homeowners Association Passes Mailbox Height Ordinance, Community Fractures Politely

The measure carried 4–3, with one abstention delivered as a long sigh.

A CUL-DE-SAC — Delphine Roach · September 1, 2026

Lifestyle1 min

Man Who Has Had One Coffee Announces He Is Now a Different Person

The transformation is expected to last forty minutes and be followed by a period researchers formally classify as grief.

THE KITCHEN — Otis Fenwick · August 31, 2026

Tech1 min

Printer Detects Deadline, Enters Sleep Mode

The device is described as fully operational at every other moment of the year.

THE SPARE ROOM — Priya Halloway · August 30, 2026

Business1 min

Standing Desk Raised Once, in March

Ergonomics researchers reclassify the purchase as a monument rather than a tool.

DESK 14 — Bertram Osei · August 29, 2026

The desks

Five, so far

A word from the publisher

Everything you are about to not read is made up

The Preferred Narrative is a satirical publication. When articles do arrive, they will be jokes — invented quotes, invented people, invented institutions. They are not reports, not allegations, and not statements of fact about anyone real.

The full disclaimer

Newsroom status

Stories filed: 51
Stories killed: Classified
Headlines argued over: Ongoing
Facts checked: N/A — none present