The Homeowners Association has passed an ordinance standardising mailbox height at forty-two inches, in a vote its chair called decisive and three attendees called the end of something.

“Forty-two inches is not arbitrary,” said board chair Verna Kloss. “It is the height at which a mailbox looks like the other mailboxes.”

Opponents did not dispute the height. They disputed the meeting.

“The item was listed as ‘correspondence infrastructure,’” said resident Emmett Barlow, whose mailbox has stood at thirty-nine inches since 1998. “I attended that meeting to talk about the pond.”

Researchers at the Institute for Residential Consensus say neighbourhood disputes are never about the stated subject.

“In eleven years we have not recorded a single argument about a mailbox,” said Dr. Ines Vogel. “We have recorded a great many arguments conducted by means of a mailbox.”

Compliance is voluntary, in the sense that non-compliance will be noted.

Barlow says he will raise his mailbox. He has not said when. The board says it is in no hurry. Both statements are understood by all parties to be false.