Lifestyle
Fastest Known Route to a Civic Honour Remains a Police Complaint, Bureau Confirms
The interval between an FIR and a felicitation is now shorter than the time required to become good at anything.
Lifestyle
Wellness, cuisine, and interior design advice you should absolutely not follow.
Lifestyle
First Day of School Successfully Documented on the Forty-First Attempt
Lifestyle
Study Finds 15-Hour Drive Superior to 2-Hour Flight in Every Metric Selected After the Fact
Lifestyle
Self-Checkout Machine Escalates Unexpected Item Dispute to Full Tribunal
Lifestyle
Man Who Has Had One Coffee Announces He Is Now a Different Person
Lifestyle
Gym Introduces Membership Tier for People Who Only Wish to Look at the Gym
The Observer plan includes full access to the car park and a lanyard.
Lifestyle
Sunday Meal Prep Produces Six Identical Containers, One Regret Per Day
By Wednesday the chicken has become a philosophical position rather than a lunch.
Lifestyle
Dating App Adds Filter for People Who Also Just Want to Sit Down
Early testing shows the feature outperforms every existing category, including hiking.
Lifestyle
Cat Conducts Fourth Inspection of Bag That Has Not Changed
The bag was empty on Tuesday. It remains empty. The investigation continues.
Lifestyle
Nation's Largest Water Bottle Now Requires Its Own Seat
The vessel holds two point two litres and has not been emptied since it was purchased.
Lifestyle
Man Begins New Routine on Monday, Which Is Now Four Mondays Away
The plan is complete, colour-coded, and has never survived contact with a Tuesday.
Lifestyle
Weather Confirmed as Only Remaining Topic Two Strangers May Legally Discuss
Researchers find the exchange conveys no information and is nonetheless mandatory.
Lifestyle
Couple Enters Flat-Pack Warehouse, Emerges With Different Relationship
They went in for a lamp. They came out with shelving and a new understanding of one another.
Other sections
- PoliticsInvented politicians, imaginary bills, and committee hearings that never happened.
- TechFictional startups disrupting industries that do not exist. Series A pending.
- WorldForeign correspondence filed from countries our cartographer made up.
- BusinessMarkets, mergers, and quarterly earnings from companies with no employees.
- SportsInvented fixtures, imaginary form guides, and boards reshuffling squads that never existed.