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Sep 7, 2026

SATIRE

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Recycling Guidelines Updated to Include a Maybe Category

The new bin accepts items residents are willing to defend in writing.

By Verity Osomanjo · THE KERB

August 7, 2026 · 1 min read

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Updated waste guidelines have introduced a third category, Maybe, following years of residents inventing it themselves.

The Maybe bin accepts any item the household believes ought to be recyclable and is prepared to defend.

“People were already doing this,” said waste coordinator Ludovic Sarn. “They were doing it into the correct bin, which was the problem.”

The Bureau of Municipal Sorting reports that hopeful recycling — placing an item in the recycling because throwing it away feels worse — accounts for a significant share of all contamination.

“The resident knows the pizza box is greasy,” said Bureau analyst Dr. Halina Verduc. “The resident recycles it anyway, as an argument.”

The updated guidance runs to nine pages and includes a chart, a flow diagram, and a sentence beginning “unless.” Officials concede that no resident has read past page two, where the chart is.

Under the new scheme, Maybe items are sorted at the facility by staff who describe the work as “mostly no.”

Early results indicate the Maybe bin is filling faster than both other bins combined, and that residents report significantly improved feelings about waste, with no measurable change in what is recycled.

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