A household router has been restored to full function by being unplugged for thirty seconds and, subsequently, apologised to.

Engineers confirm that only the first action is necessary.

“The apology has no effect on the hardware,” said Bureau of Domestic Networks analyst Dr. Ilse Norquist. “It has a considerable effect on the household, which is why it persists.”

The outage began at 8:40 p.m., during which time the household attempted, in order: refreshing the page, refreshing the page again, blaming a specific person, checking whether the phone still worked, and standing near the router.

“Standing near the router does nothing,” Norquist said. “Everybody does it. Everybody knows. It is the closest thing we have to prayer that also involves a plug socket.”

Bureau research finds the thirty-second wait is universally observed and universally exceeded, with most households counting to thirty at a pace suggesting significant doubt.

The router returned at 8:47 p.m. with four lights, one of which has been orange since 2023 and is now considered part of the family.

No one has established the cause. Bureau guidance is explicit that no one should try, on the grounds that investigation has never once helped and has twice made things worse.